“No, I told you. That length isn’t in anymore. You need something shorter.”

“Like you’re the fashionista of the group.”

Olivia and Sydney are battling for right-hand woman again. Sydney will win just like she always does, and Olivia will stand down, just like she always does. Okay, let’s think it through. It’s in my best interest to agree with Jeri, and I should also make eye contact with Olivia in solidarity. Natosha attempts to temper the conversation.

“Who cares anyway? You both look fantastic!” Flattery help, too. Now, look at Olivia. Okay, how did they both take my comments? It looks like I’m good.

The four girls prepare for another night out. Jeri applies mascara and listens, while the others chat and fuss over one another. It doesn’t matter how little Jeri engages in the conversation; the others would never question her leadership. Plus, she’s the one that introduced them all a few years ago.

She puts down her mascara and stands up. Sydney, Olivia and Natosha notice and follow suit.

“Liv, it’s your turn to drive tonight, right?” Sydney asks. Olivia nods, and the four pile into her Hyundai Sonata. Jeri plugs in her phone, and a sultry voice warbles, Je cherche un homme, un homme, un homme .

“So, where are we headed tonight?” asks Liv.

“Los’ house,” Jeri answers. Liv nods.

Sydney interjects, “Ya know, I’m trying, Jer, but I just don’t get this playlist.”

Natosha pipes up, “It’s culture, Syd. That’s what she isn’t getting, right Jer?” Jeri doesn’t seem to hear either of them. She’s miles away, gazing out the window. The two girls in the backseat shrug their shoulders at each other and change the subject.

“I’m hungry. Anyone else?” asks Sydney.

“Me too!”

“Yes. Smashville?”

They all nod, and Olivia pulls into the drive-thru lane.

“Hey, I sold one of my pieces yesterday. How about we order a cheeseburger each and share a grip of fries and milkshakes. Dinner’s on me,” offers Sydney.

“Hell yeah! Thanks, Syd! Which piece did you sell? You’ve gotta tell us after I order,” Liv says as she turns to the drive-thru speaker. “Could we please have four cheeseburgers, two large fries and two chocolate milkshakes?” A few minutes later, Liv pulls forward, and the other two girls look at Syd expectantly.

“So?” Liv prompts.

Syd smiles proudly. “It was ‘Red-Tinted Glass’. The guy said he might even come back for another!”

“That’s awesome! Way to go, Syd!”

▲

A while later, Liv’s Sedona turns onto a gravel road, and the girls spot Los’ house ahead.

“Burger was delicious, as usual. Thanks, Syd!”

“Yes. Thank you again!”

“Yum.”

“No prob! Alright, we’re obviously here. I can already see the recycle bin full of beer cans.” The others chuckle as they exit the car and stretch.

“Liv, this reminder is for you. Tom is an incorrigible flirt. Remember that. He’s still dating that college girl. Don’t fall for anything he says.”

“I know, I know. I’ll do my best to shut him down... But can you all help me, too? He’s hard to resist when we’re alone.”

Sydney, Natosha and Jeri steal glances at each other before bursting out in laughter. They squeeze Liv’s arm or give her a hug as they walk towards the porch. The door opens before they get there, and Carlos stands in the doorway.

“So nice of you to finally grace us with your presence,” he says.

“We got hungry!” Sydney protests.

“Okay, that’s acceptable. But where’s mine? Did you not bring me anything?” He smiles broadly and steps aside so they can enter. “I’m just teasing. Come on in.”

The usual suspects fill the front room, and the girls make their rounds. They pause while Sydney puts in a request at the stereo. While they wait, Lydia, a girl in Jeri and Olivia’s math class, introduce them to her cousin.

“Hey! This is my cousin, Jo. They go to Dartmouth, and they’re visiting before the next semester starts.”

“Nice. Hi, I’m Liv. Nice to meet you. They/them pronouns?”

“Yeah, you?”

“She/her. True for all four of us. This is Jeri. Natosha. Sydney is over by the stereo.”

“Nice to meet ya’ll. Any friend of my cuz’s is a friend of mine. Brownie anyone?”

Natosha and Olivia look at Jeri. No one in their group had smoked or eaten weed. They’ve talked about trying it out, but they aren’t sure they’re ready.

Syd bursts in before they can answer. “Ash is gonna play Sabrina Carpenter next. We need something that slaps after that car ride!” Phew. Good timing, Natosha thinks.

Liv rolls her eyes, “This is the infamous Sydney. Syd, this is Jo, they/them pronouns.” Syd puts out her hand and dances a little while shaking Jo’s hand.

“Oookay. I see who the extrovert in the group is,” Jo laughs, and everyone else joins in. “No need to answer about the brownies now if you aren’t sure. Offer stands. Just lemme know.”

Espresso starts playing, and Syd rounds on Ash. “Not this one! I said anything but this one! Ugh!” Ash winks at her and skips to the next song.

“This is more like it! Thank you!” Syd shouts. Lydia and Liv join Syd in dancing, while Natosha follows Jer.

“Hey, Jo? We’re down for some brownies. How much would it cost for the four of us?”

“Oh, nothing. I brought ‘em to share. It’s more fun than eating them by yourself. How many?”

“Thank you! That’s very kind of you.”

Jo opens a cookie tin and asks, “Have you done this before? Do you know what to expect?”

“We haven’t, but I know that it’ll take a while to kick in and that it’s best to have people you trust around you. Anything else we should know?” Jer asks.

“That’s mostly it. I’d say if this is your first time, you should all share one brownie. Up to you though.”

“Sounds good.” Jo hands her a piece, and Jer smiles at them. “Thanks again.” She tears the brownie into four equal-ish bites and hands out one to each of the girls.

▲

“I don’t know. I don’t think I even feel anything,” Syd frowns. The four girls, Jo and Lydia lounge on a few questionable couches. The vibe in the living room has changed now that the party has mostly moved to the kitchen.

“I don’t know if I feel anything. But I have to say this is the most comfortable couch I’ve ever sat on,” Natosha says.

“It’d be better if we had another milkshake or some mozzarella sticks or something,” Syd mutters.

Lydia laughs, “See? You are stoned.” Syd rolls her eyes.

Jeri stands up and says, “Okay, let’s go for a walk. We don’t need to get stuck on the couch all night. Come on. Up and at ‘em.”

Liv and Lydia groan, but get up anyway. Natosha takes a breath to steady herself. What have I gotten myself into? I don’t know what to say, and everyone has to notice how quiet I am. What should I do??

Ya know what? Staying silent is better than saying something weird. Just get up and go. Come on, Tosha. As she stands up, Natosha bumps into Jo. “Oh! Sorry! I uh- uh- “

“Hey! I’m walkin’ here!” Jo smiles, “I’m kidding. No biggie!”

“Thanks,” Natosha sputters and waits for Jo to walk ahead. Dammit. I’m a mess. Keep it together, Tosh.

As they leave the house, the group pairs up. Syd and Lydia run ahead, giggling. Jo and Liv chat as they follow, and Jeri and Natosha pull up the rear. Thank goodness. Maybe we can just walk in silence.

Natosha gets her wish for a while until Jeri turns and asks her, “How are you feelin’?”

Breathe, Tosha. You’ve got this. “Okay. A little floaty. How about you?”

“That’s a good word for it- floaty. I’m alright. Thinking a lot.”

“Me too, but I usually am.”

“Oh yeah? Say more.”

I’ve said too much. “Um, I don’t know. I guess I just always think through what I’m doing.”

Jeri chuckles. “I’d say that’s what we’re supposed to do, think before we talk or act, right?”

“Ha! Yeah. I guess I hear a voice that describes what I see and what I’m going to do. Not like ‘voices in my head’ or anything. Just like my own voice, but not me? … I’ll stop explaining. It’s weird.”

 “It’s not weird. You’re good!” Jeri smiles. Natosha smiles back and regards the rest of the group. Jeri watches her and says, “You’re good at keeping an eye on all of us, ya know that?”

Natosha blushes and looks at her feet. I didn’t think anyone noticed. I didn’t even realize I was doing it just then until she mentioned it. She must think I’m so creepy.

“Oh, Natosha. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry!”

“No. That’s not it. I just didn’t think anyone noticed.”

“I notice, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Well, it feels like a bad thing. I have to pay close attention to other people. I just can’t do things without thinking through them first.”

“I know. That’s one thing I appreciate about you.”

“It is?”

“Guess you aren’t as observant as you thought you were, eh?” Jeri chuckles again. “Nah, I’m just teasing you. I do appreciate that about you though. I have a voice in my head like you do. I think you and I are ‘inside people’. We reflect on things more.”

“Are you saying that Syd and Liv don’t? It seems like we’re talking crap about them somehow.”

“Nah, I appreciate the heck out of both of them. I mean, Liv can just strike up a conversation with a college student like it’s nothing, and Syd always has a good time. Plus, her art! I’m not talking crap about ‘em. I’m just saying what I see. I mean, we’re all different from one another, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. So, how do they function without an inner voice? Like, they just know what to say and do? How does that work?”

“I dunno. You’d have to ask them!” Jeri smiles, but then quickly frowns. “Wait, where did they go? Did you see?”

“Ugh, no. I don’t think I can focus on what you’re saying and where they are right now with this brownie.”

“I get that. Come on, they can’t be far.”

Over the next ten minutes, the two girls search the woods behind Los’ house. At first, they’re quiet, not wanting to catch the neighbors’ attention. Like Jeri mentioned, they’re high outside of an underaged party. Not a good look. As the minutes drag on, they get more and more vocal until they’re yelling.

“Liv?”

“Lydia?”

“Jo!”

“Sydney!! Where are you?!”

▲ 

Natosha’s heart races, and she’s unsure of what else to do. Turning around, she notices Los’ back door is ajar.

“Jer! I think maybe they went back inside!” Jeri sees it, too, and the two rush back towards the house. As they get closer, they hear peals of laughter.

“I dare you! I mean, how’s he gonna know you were the one who ate his Oreos?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you yelling it out?!”

“Come on! Do it! Do it! Do it! Wait, gimme one, too!” The giggles continue until the door squeaks open. “Shhhhhhhh! Shhhhhhh!”

“Geez ya’ll, could you whisper any louder?”

“Oh hey, you two,” Syd says through a mouthful of cookie. “Where have you been?”

Natosha bristles and her eyes tear up. “You have got to be kidding!! We’ve been looking for YOU! For a long time! We thought you were lost, or hurt, or who knows what?! Why didn’t you tell us you were going back inside?!”

“We got hungry! Since when do we need to tell you where we’re going?” Liv frowns.

Syd smirks. “Liv, haven’t you noticed? Natosha watches us allll the time. It’s creepy.”

“Stop, Syd.” Jeri moves in front of Natosha.

Though she feels more impulsive right now, Syd knows better than to push back against Jeri. She glares at Natosha through Jeri’s shoulder before stalking off to another room. Natosha doesn’t see her. She hasn’t moved, downcast eyes and misty vision. Jeri turns around and touches her arm.

“She doesn’t mean that maliciously. Not really. Still, that’s not fair to you. You aren’t doing anything wrong,” Jeri asserts.

Liv speaks up. “You’re just being yourself. You’re a little different, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“Different?” asks Natosha. “I was hoping that was in my head. That you all didn’t think so, too. So, you’ve just been treating me with kid gloves?! I’m the weirdo you keep as a pet?!”

“No, no. We talked about our differences a little earlier, right? You and I have an inner voice talking us through the day. Liv and Syd don’t. We’re all different.” The outside of Jeri’s right hand sweeps Natosha’s insecurities to the side. “Syd lashed out with what she knew would bother you. Don’t let it bother you.”

As she lifts her eyes, Natosha sees Liv’s head nodding, a sincere smile on her face. Natosha continues to seethe, confused and hurt, but she lets her friends hug her.

“Why is this even coming up now? I can’t cope with all of this!”

“Do you need a moment before we go find that jerkface?” Jo asks. Natosha turns toward them, startled.

“I totally forgot you and Lydia were here! I am so sorry!” Natosha apologizes.

Jo laughs again. “That’s two unnecessary apologies tonight.”

“We didn’t want to get in the way, right cuz? You all clearly were having a moment there. By the way? So sweet!”

“I do need a moment. Thank you, Jo,” Natosha says.

▲

Syd sits on the couch, legs tucked up. As Liv walks into the room, Syd hugs her legs and sets her jaw. “Just leave me alone. You both always take Natosha’s side. I’m tired of being the bad guy.”

“You’re not the bad guy, Syd,” Liv sighs. “But you do know Natosha isn’t a creeper, right? It’s her way to showing that she cares.”

“I know, I know. I just hate that she scolded us. I don’t know another mom, thank you.”

Liv smiles. “Of course! But we do need to give each other grace. She needs to relax about what we’re doing, and you need to acknowledge her anxiety.”

Now, it’s Syd’s turn to sigh. “Okay. You’re right.” Liv leans over and bumps Syd with her shoulder before standing up and walking back to the kitchen.

“She’s ready. You good?” Liv asks Natosha. She takes a deep breath and nods. Sitting next to Syd on the couch, she blurts, “Syd, I was worried about you. I’m sorry I lashed out. That wasn’t cool… And I’m sorry I make you uncomfortable by--”

Syd interrupts, “No, I’m sorry. You don’t make me uncomfortable. I know you’re just keeping an eye out. I was in such a good mood eating those Oreos in the kitchen, and it flipped when you came in upset. I’m sorry we left you two out there. Are you still mad?”

Natosha puts her head on Syd’s shoulder. “No, but I am feeling worried that ya’ll see how weird I really am. I thought I was hiding it pretty well.”

“Ha! Oh, honey. Don’t hide anything! Sure, you sometimes get overwhelmed by things quickly, and you can be so literal! But that’s not weird. Not in a bad way, anyway. You also notice things we don’t. And you’re a fantastic listener!” Syd leans her head on Natosha’s, and the two cuddle quietly.

A few moments later, Lydia yells, “So are you friends again, or what?! These Oreos aren’t gonna eat themselves!” Natosha and Syd laugh, embrace and return to the kitchen.

“I’m surprised you left any for us!” Syd grins as she grabs the package. “Now, let’s all get outta here before Los catches us!”

The group sets off on another walk, but this time, they walk in groups of three. Jeri joins Jo and Lydia in the front, while Liv, Natosha and Syd share the rest of the Oreos.