“Well folks, that’s about all of the horrible wives I can take for today’s episode of You’re in My Home.  We know our submission and our wifely duties will always result in a confident, resourceful man who truly loves us and takes care of us.”

Alice sighs, pulls off her headphones and shrugs out the tension in her shoulders.  If she can’t yet save herself, she can at least help society run the way it has for generations, the tried-and-true way.  She has just spent another day protecting the patriarchy.  She needs control over something in her life, and advocating for “the way it’s always been” meets that need.

At first glance, April Gunderson’s ardent support of menimists simpers of sexual desperation.  She gives the men exactly what she thinks they want, a woman who submits to her husband or father but also understands it is her duty to correct other women.  It turns out she isn’t thinking about a man’s gaze, but instead using her own, leering the beautiful female figure on the Internet. Publicly she follows social pressures and tradition, while secretly she lusts after the women on the screen. She is a female menimist.  By declaring to the world the authority and infallible desirability of “real” men and by scorning the LGTBQ+ community, April counteracts her very real desire to control another woman’s body with her own.

Her repentance for last night’s imaginings means she owes extra passion in her content this morning.  Double down.  This is what you owe. Today, April is responding to a viral video, a renowned journalist’s expóse on unequal pay and the household management gap.  In the clip, Azi Onaodowan, the journalist, interviews a lower middle-class mother of one, Letisha Jones-McDougal, about her struggles as a SAHM. “This so-called wife needs to remember her place.  Letisha Jones-McDougal spends her husband’s hard-earned money while he works, and she expects her husband to cook and clean dishes.  She’s out of her mind,” April declares on her podcast You’re in My Home, or YiMH.

It isn’t a coincidence that Azi Onaodowan was, in fact, the object of April’s appetite last night.  During her initial watch of the interview from the comfort of her bed, April indulged in thoughts of interrupting the interview to shush the interviewee away from Azi. Then, she’d drag the gorgeous journalist into the studio room next door to give her the what-for behind veiled curtains.

White men simultaneously reprimand their wives for small mistakes, while they succumb to immoral thoughts, to sexual colonization.  But isn’t that exactly what I’m doing? I’m a woman disparaging women, the lowest of the low. April swats away the thought that she is just as bad, if not worse, than the straight white men she venerates on her podcast.